Nico's Detentions: The Survival Guide
by Now.What.O.o
Summary: I was put into detention many times, thus this book is born. So if you're one of us (or me), and if you're daring enough to read this and try the things in it, then you have officially earned the title of awesome. Yes, these require you to be super annoying at times so just bear with me. So go through the list of things to do in detention, and we'll see how you get along with them.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Mmm... Yes... So Nico goes to school. He knows he's a demigod. Silly Mortals AU.

* * *

**_Nico's Detentions: The Survival_**_** Guide**_

_**By Nico di Angelo**_

**Nico di Angelo** is a Greek demigod (no Mr. Thrush, he is not stupid, and yes this is the truth), the son of Hades and Maria di Angelo. He has a sister called Bianca di Angelo who was a hero and the best hunter. He is known as the Ghost King in the Underworld because he is just that awesome. (Gosh, it is tiring to write in third person).

_Praise for Nico's Detentions: The Survival Guide_

"Really, Nico? This sucks!" _Thalia_

"Ehm... Nico? What are you doing?" _-Some student's name who appeared in the detention hall _

"This is the most awesome book ever!" _Nico_

* * *

Published by... Ehm... It's not published. But as you can see in the *Ahem* critiques, one awesome person called Nico (no, a different Nico, not me! He happens to be a professional sword fighter. I also happen to be the awesome guy who kicked butt in the Battle of the Labyrinth and the Battle of Olympus. Ooops, did I say 'I'?) says that this is the best book ever. So read it.

* * *

Author's Note:

Hi! I'm Nico, the worlds most coolest person! I'm the best sword fighter and happen to be the son of the death god. So don't mess with me, yeah?

Anyways, if you're the kind of person who gets stuck in detention a lot, then this book is perfect for you. As you can see, my spelling is now impeccable as I got over my dyslexia! Awesome right? So this book is about a list of things you could do during detentions.

However, this is not for mortal's eyes since they are totally uncool and can't get their facts right. I mean, everybody knows that the Greek gods are real! Except for the mortals. Anyways, here is my book!

I was put into detention many times, thus this book is born. So if you're one of us (or me), and if you're daring enough to read this and try the things in it, then you have officially earned the title of awesome. Yes, these require you to be super annoying at times so just bear with me. So, go through the list of things to do in detention, and we'll see how you get along with them...


	2. Chapter 2

September 5, Saturday.

Reason for being in detention:

- For saying my incredible, intelligent, truthful speech.

_"It started with the three Greek gods, Zeus, Poseidon and Hades. They had many children that were way too powerful to be ignored. This lead them to affecting the course of mortal event, causing too much carnage. So the World War II began. The war was, in short, a fight between the sons of Zeus and Poseidon in one side, with the children of Hades on the other. Of course, I don't mean that the Americans were the children of Zeus, the British were the children of Poseidon and the German were the children of Hades. There were in country betrayals and assassinations. For example, there could be a British Hades descendant that would kill another Zeus descendant who was also British. In the end, the children of Zeus and Poseidon won. They made Hades swear not to have any more children because they were too powerful. Well, there we have it, the World War II!" _

- For disgusting the teacher with my speech.

* * *

What I'm going to do:

- Disgust the Detention teacher.

* * *

Example?

A teacher walked in. "Hello, I'm going to be the detention proctor for this month, you may call me Mr. Lyndon!"

I made a face. He noticed.

"What's wrong? May I have your name?"

Thalia snickered beside me, once the teacher knows my name, he could never forget it. I'm going to make sure of that.

"The name's Nico. But you have to call me Mr. di Angelo since I am your superior. I'm a demigod, which means I have a parent who is a god, consequently, this means that the blood of the gods, known as ichor, runs through my veins. What is wrong? You said we _may _call you Mr. Lyndon, does that mean we have to? Can we call you something else, like Mr. uhh... I dunno. Mr. Cabbage?"

Oh right, a little explanation why I dubbed him Mr. Cabbage. He was wearing a light green shirt with a cream tie. In addition he was really big. From far away, you would think he was wearing three life buoys under his shirt. He looked ridiculous, like a barrel. And even his nose looks like a cabbage. It was round and wrinkly, like a cabbage. He was just like a cabbage! I mean it! Seriously!

And back to the teacher.

Mr. Cabbage paled a bit. "_Nico_ ("Mr. di Angelo," I corrected). Nico, I will not tolerate this childish behaviour of yours. There is no such thing as Greek gods. They don't exist, they are only myths and stories-"

That got me angry. "_Are you saying I'm a myth? I story?_" I blurted out. It couldn't be helped. If words could kill, I would overkill him.

"No, I am saying you have a great imagination! Besides, you will call my Mr. Lyndon. And only Mr. Lyndon. Am I understood?"

I looked at him like he was some kind of idiot. Thalia beside me was turning red from trying to suppress her laughter.

"Yes, Mr. Cabbage. So does that me I could call you understood?"

He stood up, his chair making a squeaky noise as he pushed it back. His eyes were scrunched up like a pig and his nose was like a red cabbage now. I returned his gaze steadily, as if I couldn't care at all.

"No, Nico! Mr. Lyndon!"

I smirked. "Sorry? I must have heard wrong. I explicitly said that my name was Mr. di Angelo, not Mr. Lyndon. I do not accept such a name as Mr. Lyndon." I said in a professional tone. "Now please, Mr Cabbage. If you could, would you sit down?"

He was looming over me, his bad breath choking me. I raised a brow, as if to inquire 'what's you're problem?'.

"No!" He roared.

"Are you saying you can't sit down?"

He looked stunned for a moment. Thalia finally broke out. She went hysterical.

The teacher started panting like hell. He sounded like a dying sea lion. His face was an inflated tomato.

"You look like a tomato, Mr. Cabbage." I remarked.

"MR. DI ANGELO!"

"Yes? How may I help you, mortal?"

"NICO?"

"I would not answer to that name from a mortal's mouth!" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Now if you would please, sit down, sir."

He shook and trembled in anger. I let an amused smile slip into my lips.

"I see you couldn't sit down. How many beatings did you take to you're butt? Oh, but it doesn't matter how many! 'Cause you're so fat, you couldn't feel anything through all those layers of fat!"

Half of the people in the detention hall was looking at me with the wow-yo-got-the-guts-yo!. Others with the nice-going-bro look. And the rest was laughing hysterically.

I stood up, letting the arrogant part of me take over. I repeatedly rose my hand, palm up, up and down, as if I was tossing an invisible ball.

The students started clapping and shouting "MR. DI ANGELO! MR. DI ANGELO! MR. DI ANGELO!"

I lowered my head on the ground, to show that the conversation with Mr. Cabbage was over.

I'm not quite sure what happened, since I was soaked in my own fame, but the next thing I know, Mr. Cabbage was running for the door, shouting for his dear mama.

* * *

And that's one way you could pass you're detention. Only if you're as cool as me that is.


	3. Chapter 3

September 7, Monday

Reason for being in detention:

-Eating in Class.

_I reclined in my seat, and pulled out a banana._

_"Nico!" The teacher boomed. "No food is permitted in the classroom."  
_

_I looked at him in the eye, and casually started to peel my banana.  
_

_I shrugged. "I'm sorry, sir. But I'm hungry!"  
_

_The teacher frowned at the recalcitrant Nico di Angelo. Gosh, he really was one of a kind. The teacher shook his head in frustration.  
_

_"Nico! You are not allowed to eat in the classroom!"  
_

_The teacher stood up with his hands on his desk. He leaned forward to gesture that he is serious.  
_

_Serious? Yeah right.  
_

_I looked up at him and took a bite from my banana. "But! Sir! I-"  
_

_The teacher became red with range.  
_

_"Nico! This would be your last warning! Put your food away now!"  
_

_I refused, obviously, and continued eating my banana.  
_

_"Wait! Hold on sir! Let me just finish this one!"  
_

_All the other students were looking at me with their Nico-strikes-again! face.  
_

_I swallowed the last bit of my banana, and licked my lips. I stood up and without the teacher's permission, walked across the room and dumped the peel of my banana in the bin. The teacher, being the idiotic teacher, just looked at me. When I sat down again by my empty desk, I started rummaging my backpack. The teacher must have thought I was going to bring out my textbooks, so he looked away and relaxed. But, um... I'm Nico.  
_

_I picked an orange.  
_

_The teacher seeing a flash of a bright colour immediately looked up.  
_

_"I told you to put your food away!"  
_

_I shook my head and gave him a mischievous smile.  
_

_"But, sir!" I said earnestly. "In the school handbook, there isn't a rule that states that we are forbidden to eat food in a classroom!"  
_

_I handed him my handbook, and the teacher fervourously started to flip through every singly page. Frustrated, he handed the book back to me.  
_

_"I told you so." I said innocently.  
_

_The teacher gave a small chuckle and said, "Well, Nico! It seems that you are right! However, the rules does state that students can be punished for bad behaviour."  
_

_I nodded my head feverishly. "Yes, sir! That is correct. Rule 3: Any student may be assigned punishment in the forms of warnings, demerits and detentions. In extreme cases, suspensions may be given out, but only with the headmaster's agreement. You see, sir! I've memorised the rules!"  
_

_I licked my fingers after finishing my orange and put the peel in a tissue paper. I rolled the tissue containing the peel in a ball and aimed for the rubbish bin. It went through.  
_

_"Score!" I shouted, throwing my fists in the air.  
_

_"Nico! Detention! After school! Two hours!"_

* * *

What I'm going to do:

-Bring food into a classroom.

* * *

Example?

I entered the detention hall thirty minutes late, carrying a big bulky plastic bag in my left hand. I nodded at the proctor in greeting.

"Hello."

He snarled at me. "Nico! You are very very late."

I looked at the ground apologetically and shifted on my feet.

"I know sir." I murmured. "I apologize."

He nodded his approval.

"Nico. What is that plastic bag you are holding." He gestured the bulky plastic bag in my left hand.

"Ah, yes! Mr. Lyndon (he looked very surprised at this). I was late because I needed to buy this. As I said earlier, I apologise! This is a gift for you!"

I handed him the very heavy bag and when he didn't take it, I put in gingerly on the desk.

He peered inside curiously yet cautiously. What he saw surprised him. Very much.

"A... a... A w..." He stuttered.

I looked at him expectantly. I urged him forward with a jerk of my head. He looked dumbfounded.

"A watermelon?"

I nodded. "Yes, sir! Do you like it! I spent my pocket money on it. It's really nice, but it isn't the biggest one. I couldn't carry the biggest one."

He looked at me startled. "Well, Nico. That's very nice of you but-"

"You don't trust me!" I shouted, looking hurt. "Then I'll prove it to you."

I took my Stygian Iron switchblade and cut the plastic bag so it covered the teacher's desk. The teacher leaned back on his chair, anticipating the worst. My blade went through the watermelon like it was made of butter. When it split into half, it revealed juicy red watermelon flesh with flecks of black seeds.

The teacher shook his head in confusion. "So it's just a normal watermelon..." He muttered.

"Yes, sir! Why wouldn't it be?" I nodded my head vigorously.

The teacher, however, was not convinced. He looked at the watermelon suspiciously and then to me accusingly.

"Look. I'm sure the watermelon's delicious!" I stepped forward and cut one half of the watermelon into half, and then into half again, until there was two small slices, followed by a slightly bigger one and then a bigger one. I took one of the smallest slices.

I bit into it. "Mmmm..."

The teacher relaxed a bit. "So it really is a normal watermelon."

I jerked up at this and lifted by head really quickly to meet his gaze. "Ha! So I was right! You really didn't trust me! I went and bought you a watermelon and you didn't trust me!"

"I'm sorry, Nico. I didn't mean any offence."

"Eat it then!" I demanded.

He gingerly went and picked up the other smallest slice. I concentrated on my own watermelon slice.

"Delicious!" I heard him say. By then I was finished with mine and through the remaining part in the bin.

"See, I told you so."

He looked at me with a thankful smile.

"So I guess this is to repay me for calling me Mr. Cabbage and et cetera."

I narrowed my eyes. "No sir, I bought this watermelon because they were out of bananas and oranges."

I turned and faced the other students in the detention hall and picked a seat next to the wall, leaving the teacher to his own thoughts, dumbfounded.

_And also_, I thought to myself, _to prove that we are allowed to have food inside a classroom._


	4. Chapter 4

September 9, Wednesday

Reason for being in detention:

-Being a truant

_Inside the classroom all was quite, everybody was doing their work and, not surprisingly, with the exception of me.__ Everybody knows I hate maths class, despite being quite good at it (don't ask me how, I just slot in the numbers and write them down). Even the teacher loves me, he marks all my papers with a kiss next to each question.  
_

_You see, my papers are always something like this:  
_

_The question;  
_

_ x+3y=2x+4  
_

_2x-y=7  
_

_Solve for x and y  
_

_My answer;  
_

_x=123  
_

_y=456  
_

_His marks;  
_

_x=123 **X**  
_

_y=456 **X**  
_

_So yeah, the teacher loves giving me kisses, which is kind of gross.  
_

_Anyways, I was in the maths class tapping my mechanical pencil at an inhumane speed (literally, I'm a demigod). Inside the class, everything was quite save for the repeating tapping sound. Suddenly, outside, however, sirens started to wail. Bingo, this is my chance.  
_

_I stood up from my seating position, and naturally everybody looked at me. I feigned distress and I looked around hurriedly.  
_

_"Oh my gods, oh my gods! They found me! I have to go! Remember, Nico di Angelo does not exist. If they ask you anything, just say you don't know anything!" I told the class in an audible whisper.  
_

_In a flash, I took my bag and slung it on my shoulder. I opened the door nimbly and flung myself out of the classroom, leaving some very dazed students and a rolling-eyed teacher.  
_

_I ran across the corridor and found a dark spot covered in shadows. I smirked. Awesome escape achievement awarded. I closed my eyes and controlled the shadows and quicker than anyone could imagine, I was traveling at the speed of the dark.  
_

_So I found myself in a dark alleyway, covered in shadows. As the son of Hades, this is what my life was meant to be, fun and trouble, black and shadowy. It made me feel powerful. I walked down the alleyway with a swagger, and I hit the jackpot. What I saw in front of me left my mouth hanging open.  
_

_A man dressed in Gothic clothing stood in front of me. His arms were folded and his eyes bore the true essence of terror. Behind him flew a cape that seemed to fade and blend with the shadows, as if it was made of darkness itself. I looked at him in awe. And unexpectedly opened my arms wide.  
_

_"Daddy?" I said like a child.  
_

_Hades frowned. "Nico," he growled.  
_

_That definitely got me back into shape. I shook myself and regained my composure. I twisted my right arm over my chest in the sign of fealty and went down on one knee with my head bowed. "My lord..." I said.  
_

_Hades looked satisfied. "What are you doing here my son?"  
_

_I looked at him and put on a serious face. "Father, I ran away from school because I found in not to my entertainment as well as a total waste of my time. I am not going to meddle or be meddled with by the school. I couldn't tolerate such a prison so I escaped."  
_

_"Hmm... That was quite a show you put up there. I must say, I am impressed. You've got the guts."  
_

_Then I lost it. I broke down to my childish voice. "Daddy? You saw?"  
_

_Hades smiled. He actually smiled. I know I lost it, and it was totally uncool, but I really need to have a taste on the word family. Even if you are trying it on the person who is least likely to care about you, even if he is part of your family. Maybe, he thought it was cute. Maybe, he misses having a family. Maybe... maybe he is just like me.  
_

_"Of course I saw, son! Oh, yes. The teacher assigned you for a three hour detention this afternoon, seems like you're not having dinner again." He chuckled darkly, which sent shivers down my spine.  
_

_"So now what?"  
_

_"You tell me, Nico." Hades looked menacingly at me.  
_

_Then I had an idea.  
_

_"Daddy! I want to play!"  
_

_He looked shocked for a while. Then he snarled, "WHAT?"  
_

_I nodded and looked at him innocently. "Yeah, daddy! I want to play! Get me a ball!"  
_

_He looked disgusted for a moment. But after a few minutes of pestering he finally gave in. With a flick of his wrist, he conjured a black ball forged from the shadows and threw it on the floor. I caught it after one bounce.  
_

_"Fine. I'll let you... ah..." He said with difficulty through his seething voice. "I let you **play** with a **ball**."  
_

_"Yay! Daddy! Really? Thank you!" I started bouncing the ball on the floor.  
_

_He looked at me with a disgusted look. He growled and a deep "argh!" was heard from him.  
_

_"Nico!" He warned. "Your detention!"  
_

_"Yes, daddy!"  
_

_Hades stomped away in pure repugnance, and vanished into a cloud of shadows, leaving me to play with my ball.  
_

* * *

What I'm going to do:

-Make a hurried exit

* * *

Example?

I was in detention class, spinning my ball with a finger. The teacher looked at me like I was some sort of idiot.

Suddenly, I headed for the door, much to the teacher's surprise.

"Where are you going, Nico?" Mr. Lyndon asked.

I threw my hands in the air and dribbled the ball on the floor with me feet.

Then I replied to him with the most innocent voice I could muster.

"To play with my daddy! Yay!"

Then, I walked out of the detention hall feeling like a boss.


	5. Chapter 5

September 11, Friday

Reason for being in detention:

-Incessant meowing in class

-Annoying the students

-Annoying the teacher.

_Really, my only goal was to annoy the teacher, but I ended up annoying everybody. Oh well..._

_The class fell into silence as everyone carried on with their stupid work. I don't even know which class room I'm in, not that I care or anything. Then, an ingenious idea popped into my head.  
_

_"Meow!" I meowed (obviously).  
_

_After saying that, I immediately feigned innocence and picked up my pencil and drew random lines on my book, as if I was working. I scratched my head, nibbled on the back of my pencil, did the chicken dance (I swear, normal students do that) and whatnot.  
_

_The teacher lifted his head and looked up, trying to spot the meow(er?). His eyes roved the classroom trying to look for the guilty person. Apparently, he couldn't spot anyone.  
_

_I should really become an actor. Or I could become a hell of an assassin. Awesome.  
_

_"Meow! Meow meow, purrr!"  
_

_The teacher lifted his head again, but ended with the same results as the first time he did so.  
_

_And then after a while. "Purr..."  
_

_Some students started groaning, a few 'shut up's were heard. I, being myself, ignored them all.  
_

_Some students were finishing their work, and made their way in front of the teachers. They lined up to get their work checked.  
_

_"Meow! Hiss! Meow! Purr.."  
_

_And then I lost it.  
_

_I raised a hand and scratched myself on the head. Then I brought it down and started licking it (not literally).  
_

_And the teacher? He went hysterical._

_"Nico di Angelo! Detention! This afternoon! 2 hours. Such behaviour is absolutely not acceptable."  
_

_Blah blah blah, yadda yadda.  
_

_Right, so, detention this afternoon? What a normal day.  
_

_Oh well...  
_

* * *

What I'm going to do:

Incessant animal calling.

* * *

Example?

I checked my watch, it had been five minutes since I sat down in the detention hall.

"Well this would be fun..." I muttered under my breath.

I smirked, maliciously.

I picked up my pencil, and pretended to work, but from my mouth left a work.

"Woof!"

* * *

**AN: Right, a short one, sorry.**


End file.
